Inevitably week 17 comes and who the hell knows who’s starting or sitting in some cases. While traditional (less manly) fantasy football leagues are done playing due to this fact, (please enjoy some tea and a scone, can I get you a fresh tampon?) Suckleague negative fantasy football again proves it’s superiority by providing continual fun and challenge for the entire season. (Heck you could even play it into the playoffs).
I will of course, wrap this regular season up with Jimmy Clausen. Atlanta technically needs to win, but it wouldn’t shock me if they jump ahead and rest some guys, so backup defenders could be a possibility here. But really, was Clausen any better in college when he played guys like he’ll face on Sunday in Atlanta’s backup defenders? Exactly.
Here’s what I can make of week 17:
Alex Smith – It can’t get much worse for the San Francisco 49ers this year. Well I mean it could, they could all get gout or something, but from a football perspective, it can’t get much worse. Firing your coach before the final game of the season spells a big fat massengill for the entire organization, players on up. Alex (and Troy) Smith can pretty much count on backing up somebody else next year, be it in San Fran or elsewhere. That said, Arizona’s defense is bona fide repulsive, but you never know, Alex may have mailed it in already.
Trent Edwards – Uckkk. (I don’t know, how do you spell that sound of disdain, it’s kind of like “yuck” but there no “y” sound and the “ck” sound is kind of dragged out. Kind of like ucccch. Anyway, that sound.) Any other game and I’d be pretty interested in this pick, but Houston’s defense? Houston’s defense. That’s akin to saying Carolina’s offense, so stay away from Trent Edwards.
John Skelton – I always like this pick. Skelton is completing rougly 45 percent of his passes and almost never sees the endzone. Tough call against a messed up San Francisco team, but could pay off big.
Joe Webb – NO, I’ve been saying this the whole time, and he proved it against Philly. Now he faces Detroit. NO.
Chad Henne – Oh the Suckleague gods couldn’t have had this game 2 weeks ago? Henne is playing perfectly woeful right now (not much protection isn’t helping) and Brandon Marshall just publically called him out. This could have been suckleague star alignment, but New England has the number one seed locked up and will probably call me (and possibly the adversary) to help out on defense so they don’t risk injuring their 5th string players.
Colt Mccoy – Maybe, but man, maybe not. He’s yet to do really poorly that I’ve seen, and he kind of looks like he’ll be good. Roll the dice on this one if you’re feeling it, it’s still Pittsburg’s defense, and you don’t get much better than that.
Ryan Fitzpatrick – This guy is freaking Sybil, swinging from amazing to putrid all year. He has performance Tourettes and clearly has no idea who he is or what his goals are. And there is no room for that around here. Avoid him like that pubic hair you find on the bathroom counter while he works through his multiple personality issues.
Brian Hoyer – This is my favorite pick behind Clausen mainly because I don’t know who Brian Hoyer is.
I jest. He is of course the very accomplished (not at all accomplished) backup quarterback of the New England Patriots. I don’t see any reason Miami doesn’t try to beat up on New England’s backups, so I can see Hoyer having a pretty bad day. Still, betting on Miami for anything is a terrible idea in theory.
Charlie Whitehurst – Tough, tough call. He has no place starting on an NFL offense right now, but it’s the best game in the worst division in football, making it the worst best NFC matchup of the year (I think.) They give out plastic mediocrity trophies every week in the NFC west. It’s also looking like Hasselbeck has a chance to start, so watch this one. You know, if you like staring at bad football teams.
Rex Grossman – Is there any comment I could offer to enhance or clarify Rex Grossman’s NFL football resume? No, fire away on this pick.
Todd Collins - Blah. (Sounds like it’s spelled). If he starts, just maybe. But he’s a long, long tenured veteran and that’s always dangerous. Give me the rookie any day. But, Green Bay really needs to win, so maybe.
Defensively, I like (am repulsed by) Carolina, Cleveland, Tampa, and Dallas. I’m going with Tampa. I believe they have something like 12 starters on injured reserve. They need to win, I love them, they have a lot of heart, etc., but sorry guys, you’re out of players and this is for Suckleague glory.
So there you have week 17. As for me, I’m going out the same way I got here. Come on Jim, one more for the road. This is for the title.