April, 2011

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Inventing a #1 pick

Saturday, April 9th, 2011

Is there anything better for Suckleague than a year with no clear-cut #1 college quarterback entering the draft?

Let’s review. Every year, 7-10 teams come to the conclusion that their quarterback, who they’ve typically been in denial about for 0-4 years, is terrible. They then make an immediate commitment to finding the future of their franchise in the draft. (you typically can’t trade for a franchise QB, minus one or two flukes that have occurred). Then “analysts’” (from the Latin roots, “anal” and “sit”) like Mike Mayock come along and spray pretend semen in the face of various average players. Throw in the utterly meaningless Combine no-pad drills, and you get Vernon Gholston going #6 overall.

This year should be a clinic in terrible decisions. I count 13 teams that strongly or desperately need QB help. In no particular order:

  • Cincinnati (I don’t think Palmer plays again)
  • Jacksonville (David Garrard? Come on, let’s wake up here)
  • Tennessee
  • Buffalo
  • Miami (Chad Henne would like to remind you he still thinks Tim Tebow isn’t an NFL quarterback)
  • Denver (Sorry, Kyle Orton sucks and Tim Tebow is not an NFL quarterback. Ask Chad Henne if you don’t believe me)
  • Oakland (Bruce Gradkowski? Come on, let’s also wake up here)
  • Minnesota
  • Carolina
  • Washington
  • Arizona
  • San Francisco
  • Seattle

And I count, let’s see, 0 franchise quarterbacks in this draft. Look I don’t have a clue how Radio Shack stays in business selling 40 cent crimp connectors, pink karaoke machines, and lie detector erector sets, but I do know this: If you need a franchise quarterback this year, trade your #1 pick for Kevin Kolb (as soon as trades are allowed again) and avoid this group like Radio Shack avoids high margin products. (“The Shack” my ass, it’s a front for something. I just don’t know what yet.)

The mighty Ryan Leaf