It’s no secret I secured the first pick of our suckleague draft, and with that pick, without hesitation I pulled the trigger on Andy Dalton. Review – No brainer: greener than green, blah college conference, unusual hair, wait a minute, Alex Smith the sequel. I’m good for the season.
Except that I’m not, now that they played Cleveland. Can’t they not stop any quarterback? Now Dalton probably has some confidence going into his next game. THANKS, CLEAVLAND DOES NOT ROCK.
Thankfully, my D came through for me. New Orleans was beyond tremendous (utterly flimsy) netting me -12.00 points before the weekend even got started. The adversary came to his senses between draft and game time, smartly engaging the services of Luke Mccown (.40 points) and not as smartly, Minnesota’s D (7.00 points). Despite Dalton’s stupid 6 points, I have started the season with victory, and in the negative, -6.00.
On another note, for reasons I’ll never understand, the adversary and myself got to discussing the lyrics to Night Ranger’s 1983 anthem “You can still rock in America” earlier today. Again, for the benefit of future military psychologists, I’ll preserve it here:
Me: I Never understood those lyrics, can one not rock in other countries?
The Adversary: When could you not rock in America, or when was the idea floated that you might not be able to? Did Reagan slip that into some speech that I was not aware of? What could have moved those guys to not only wrote a song about it, but get really angry and upset about it? Hmmmm. I don’t believe you can rock in North Korea.
Me: I’ll agree with that, but I doubt the song was directed at North Korea.
The Adversary: Hmmm.
Me: Perhaps if we could identify this “Little sister by the record machine” person.
The Adversary: Yeah, is she being oppressed? Is she just standing there not being able to rock?
Me: What could hinder her ability to rock? Is there a power outage?
The Adversary: That could very well be it. There’s no power and Jack Blades is saying “Hey, you can still rock without power”.
Me: Well hang on though. Clearly “She’s goin’ out she’s gonna party tonight”, so, if she has no power, I don’t think that would be an issue.
The Adversary: I’m reading the lyrics, it seems to be about incest to me.
Me: There is nothing about geopolitical borders in this song, what the hell is the chorus about?
The Adversary: Well it’s very nationalistic. She’s sneaking out and wakes her dad, her dad asks if everything is ok, but she still leaves.
Me: Yeah with her brother. Or somebody’s brother. I guess hers. Maybe it’s her dad’s brother.
The Adversary: I’ve got to think her parents don’t give a shit about brother, he can stay out all he wants. Perhaps her parents are North Korean.
Me: Right, he can stay out with “his driving machine” which we can assume to be a car.
The Adversary: Or a tractor.
Me: In Korea?
The Adversary: Citizens aren’t allowed to have cars. They are either farmers or military. You have to be granted a license for a car in North Korea. But I think some sort of tractor might be ok. So little brother has the tractor fired up, and they are heading to the DMZ to watch a band on an American military base? Technically to rock in America, since it’s a US base. That’s my theory.
Me: So, in defiance of their parents, Korean siblings are taking a tractor to some US military base to enjoy a USO program?
The Adversary: And Jack Blades is there screaming how they can rock in America.
Me: Makes sense.
The Adversary: Now sister Christian, that’s even more of a puzzle. With all the motoring. How do you motor? And what’s your price for flight?
Me: Forget it, the Korean tractor song made more sense.