I’m calling it: Styx’s Mr. Roboto is the worst song in the history of sound. Sure, you can disagree with me. Maybe, MAYBE Starship’s “Nothing’s gonna stop us now”, but you’d still have to convince me.
What does this have to do with reverse fantasy football? Not a bloody thing, but that song has been stuck in my head for 3 FREAKING DAYS AND I CAN NOT GET IT OUT. This is the worst case of song-stuck-in-head I’ve ever had. I’ve even tried looping “Achey Breaky Heart” trying to replace the pain with something even more gruesome, but it didn’t work.
Anyway, let’s see who looks good (deplorable) this week:
Tim Tebow: He bit the adversary last week. Sure, he’s terrible right now, but he keeps managing a touchdown and some decent rushing yards each week, enough to cancel out all his turnovers.
Matt Moore: I’m done with Moore, Miami is coming way too close to winning games. This stinks of a 1-15 season for the Dolphins, good luck figuring out when the 1 is coming Morpheus. Kansas City has as good of a chance as anyone to roll over to Miami.
John Skelton: John Skelton and AJ Feely are both slated to start this week. A statement like that would normally make the Suckleague choir break out in sublime hymns of joy. Sadly, they play each other, and it’s hard to determine if Arizona or St. Louis brings the poorer defense to this party. Skelton could stink it up big time, but it is the Rams. Skelton did recently win the backup quarterback job from Rich Bartel. Who? Exactly. Skelton’s my pick for now.
AJ Feeley: See previous comments. Simply substitute the word “Feeley” for “Skelton”, “more disgusting” for “poorer”, and delete that last bit about Rich Bartel. Who? Exactly.
John Beck: This is an awful (fantastic) pick this week. San Francisco’s defense has really been showing up this year and the Redskins are just plain putrid. Yes, the Bills blanked them last week. The adversary has pulled the trigger on this one. I hope it’s Beck’s breakout game and he throws 7 touchdowns and runs for 3 more.
Carson Palmer: Facing Denver’s “defense”? Watching Denver play is like, it’s like your waitress messed up your order and accidently brought you a plate of sadness.
And that’s the situation in my head right now. There’s not much else to say:
“Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, Mata o hima de. Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, Himitsu wo shiri tai.”
Which translated of course means “Mr. Robot, we clearly deserve to stand trial for the crime against humanity of writing the suckiest song in the history of everything – Love Styx.”
I wish “Come Sail Away” was stuck in my head, that was catchy.