Screw you Styx

Written by SLAdmin on November 3rd, 2011

I’m calling it: Styx’s Mr. Roboto is the worst song in the history of sound. Sure, you can disagree with me. Maybe, MAYBE Starship’s “Nothing’s gonna stop us now”, but you’d still have to convince me.

What does this have to do with reverse fantasy football? Not a bloody thing, but that song has been stuck in my head for 3 FREAKING DAYS AND I CAN NOT GET IT OUT. This is the worst case of song-stuck-in-head I’ve ever had. I’ve even tried looping “Achey Breaky Heart” trying to replace the pain with something even more gruesome, but it didn’t work.

Anyway, let’s see who looks good (deplorable) this week:

Tim Tebow: He bit the adversary last week. Sure, he’s terrible right now, but he keeps managing a touchdown and some decent rushing yards each week, enough to cancel out all his turnovers.

Matt Moore: I’m done with Moore, Miami is coming way too close to winning games. This stinks of a 1-15 season for the Dolphins, good luck figuring out when the 1 is coming Morpheus. Kansas City has as good of a chance as anyone to roll over to Miami.

John Skelton: John Skelton and AJ Feely are both slated to start this week. A statement like that would normally make the Suckleague choir break out in sublime hymns of joy. Sadly, they play each other, and it’s hard to determine if Arizona or St. Louis brings the poorer defense to this party. Skelton could stink it up big time, but it is the Rams. Skelton did recently win the backup quarterback job from Rich Bartel. Who? Exactly. Skelton’s my pick for now.

AJ Feeley: See previous comments. Simply substitute the word “Feeley” for “Skelton”, “more disgusting” for “poorer”, and delete that last bit about Rich Bartel. Who? Exactly.

John Beck: This is an awful (fantastic) pick this week. San Francisco’s defense has really been showing up this year and the Redskins are just plain putrid. Yes, the Bills blanked them last week. The adversary has pulled the trigger on this one. I hope it’s Beck’s breakout game and he throws 7 touchdowns and runs for 3 more.

Carson Palmer: Facing Denver’s “defense”? Watching Denver play is like, it’s like your waitress messed up your order and accidently brought you a plate of sadness.

And that’s the situation in my head right now. There’s not much else to say:

“Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, Mata o hima de. Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, Himitsu wo shiri tai.”

Which translated of course means “Mr. Robot, we clearly deserve to stand trial for the crime against humanity of writing the suckiest song in the history of everything – Love Styx.”

I wish “Come Sail Away” was stuck in my head, that was catchy.

Enemy of humanity Styx

 

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2 Comments so far ↓

  1. Dan says:

    Hey,
    Just wanted to let you know that I appreciate your inclusion of the ugliest font in all of typographic history. Who the hell designs an ‘L’ like that? And the inappropriate touching happening all over this photo–I was going to mention only the two oddly coiffed blonde guys cuddling, but then I noticed the thumb of the mustachioed studmuffin on the right. Red light!

    Music department: not sure I agree with you on Mr. Roboto. I actually kind of like the Epcot Center/Spaceship Earth intro. Don Johnson’s “Heartbeat” may take the crown for me. Truly awful.

    At the moment I am battling “2 Legit 2 Quit” by Hammer…that’s right, this was his phase when he wasn’t MC Hammer anymore, he’d moved on to a higher plane of being. (I’d try to move on after ‘Pumps and a bump’ too, especially the video.) Anyway 2L2Q is 5-and-a-half minutes of them saying “2 legit…2 legit 2 quit” in a husky voice over and over again while some lady vocal acrobat yells repeatedly behind them “toooo leeegiiiieiiieeeeeeeeeeieeeeeaaaaaaaaeeiiitt yeeeeeeaaaaaaahahhhahahhhahahhaaaa!!!!”

    Football:
    I don’t get this year either…I thought I was set with Dalton and then a couple of weeks ago with Ponder against the Packers. This is tricky…this week I think I’m gonna roll with Matt Moore (recently dropped for Philip Rivers?!?) and the Cleveland Defense.

    Keep up the low quality,
    Dan

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