Now that we’ve officially had a Viagra post I can finally get this one up. Hopefully it will stay up for a while.
For the last couple of years I’ve been collecting statistics on the maps on the506.com [pause button on the satire for one sec: I love the506.com] to figure out where I should live in order to catch the New England Patriots games on network TV, because I’m too cheap to pay for the DirectTV NFL Hot And Sweaty Ticket or whatever it’s called. Turns out I should move back to New England! Or stream it illegally through a Ukrainian website. Я думаю, що я буду дивитися це незаконно. Спасибі, Україна!
I agonized over which Defense I’d take this week–some (none) of the analysis pointed to the Carolina Panthers as worth the risk. There were several good Week 2 candidates, but no one team really stood out as being so much better (deeper in doo-doo) than the rest. So as a pigskin prayer I hereby submit a celebration touchdown dance at Carolina’s expense:
A-men. Alternatively, it wasn’t a difficult decision to continue riding the pony (the pony) that is Ryan Tannehill’s epic NFL career thus far–I would only have eyes for Brandon Weenie if The Adversary’s Adversary didn’t already have him. Still, if Suckleague can keep this up, and the respective head coaches cooperate (repeatedly make job-endangering decisions), we’ve got history in the making here.
COME ON RYAN BRING IT HOME (stink it up) FOR COMFORT WIPES THIS WEEK DON’T LET THAT BRIANNA WEEDEN GUY UPSTAGE US TWO WEEKS IN A ROW YOU GOT THE PANTHERS ON YOUR SIDE HOW COULD YOU NOT BE (how could you be?) EXCITED ABOUT THAT WHOALOOKOUTTHEBALL’SCOMING!!!
Enjoy (cringe during) the games. Comfort Wipes Pride!!