Well Suckleaguers, week 2 is in the books and it was really quite awful (awful). The adversary and I were both well into the positive and combined for a whopping 70.24 points. If you play in a “normal” fantasy football league, I’ll wager one of our QBs or defenses beat yours. The outcome was dementedly close: 35.00 to 35.24. Nary a point, half point, or even a quarter point separated winner (loser) from loser (winner). And I was the former. (What?) You figure it out, I’m NOT feeling generous.
FINE, I LOST.
As I sit here drinking a $7 bottle of chardonnay out of a blue keg cup, I’m wondering how to handle my first loss of the season. Hmm, that question kind of answers itself, doesn’t it.
Today’s tangent: Unenforceable Random Human Condition Parking Signs. I have had it with these things. Look I’m a law abiding guy, and if a parking sign is legally binding, I’m on board. But the conditions that these dystopian retail establishments are putting on parking spots is something I’ll fight to the, uh, well not death let’s be reasonable, but I ignore them with purpose!
Parking for expecting mothers only
Parking only for cars with a green score higher than 50
Parking ONLY for our guests who have toddlers
EFF YOU. I’m here to give you money, and I’ll park where I’m legally permitted to. I sooooo make it a point to park in the “guests who have toddlers” space at Sam’s club. I’m eagerly waiting for somebody to condescendingly hit me with a, “I don’t see a toddler, you can’t park there”, to which I will smartly reply, “I’ve got a toddler, I just don’t have it on me.”
Anyway, I’ll post again later this week when my week 3 roster is ready. Have an excellent evening. Goodbye.
FINE. Congratulations are in order I suppose. So congratulations to Brandon Weeden and Ryan Tannehill. Seriously, stepping out of reverse fantasy football bizarro world for a tick, playing quarterback against an NFL defense is very probably up there amongst the most difficult jobs in the world. So good job and here’s hoping you both have successful and productive NFL careers. Stepping back into reverse fantasy football bizarro world, POO POO on both of you. So until next time, have a great evening.
I send out .24 of one unit of congratulations to the adversary on his first ever Suckleague official (whatever the hell that means) fantasy win. En freaking Garde for week 3.
– Whichever one of us I am