This is not your father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate’s Oldsmobile

Written by SLAdmin on October 8th, 2012

Back in 1985, General Motors attempted to respond to the dominance of Toyota and Honda in the American market by creating a company that, in theory, wouldn’t build massive, horrible cars. The result was Saturn. Somewhere around 1990, the first Saturn rolled off the line and the company billed itself as “different kind of car company”.

Saturn proved wildly popular. It’s cult following of devotees would burn their annually allotted 2 weeks of vacation driving to Spring Hill, Tennessee to participate in some kind of bizarre state fair quasi commune kibbutz car thingie, wherein Saturn owners would sit in lawn chairs near other Saturn owners sitting in lawn chairs and discuss how much they enjoyed being Saturn owners. The GM of the late 20th century finally had a winner.

Naturally GM fucked this up. To quote a former Saturn executive, “Saturn lost out to Oldsmobile in a debate among executives over whether to kill Olds or revive it at Saturn’s expense”. The result of that meeting? The Saturn L series:


You will see no such stupidity here. Team RIM knows how to cut it’s losses. Brandon Weeden has taken his lumps, is now consistently throwing multiple touchdowns every game, and appears to be a viable NFL quarterback. This is, of course, fantastic for Brandon Weeden, but has no place whatsoever at reverse fantasy football central. I, unlike GM, will divert ZERO resources in some misguided attempt to justify Oldsmobile or Brandon Weeden any longer. And yes, the adversary “mildly” won the week by like 4 points or something, avoiding a 1-4 embarrassment with a 2-3 “statement”. Very much like this Cutlass Cierra makes a statement.

I’m open to suggestions as to what that statement could possibly be.


– J


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