Don’t eat that

Written by SLAdmin on November 3rd, 2012

I was standing in line at 7-11 the other day making a purchase. I had a solid 30 minute drive ahead of me so I needed the bucket of artificial sweetener and caffeine known more commonly as Super Big Gulp. I was then amazed, startled really, that someone was making a food purchase. Let’s talk about 7-11 food for a moment.

Now by “food”, I don’t mean a candy bar or any other packaged product, but the actual prepared hot “food” in those little plexiglas oven-like concoctions. Maybe I’m too introspective, but when I’m presented with an “oven” where food and paper and cardboard can all survive, I can’t help but wonder, are bacteria dying or merely getting a tan?

I believe the patron in front of me purchased a slice of what appeared to be “pizza” and something else, “wings” I suppose if you used the term loosely. Nonetheless, clearly several of some appendage from some mammal under a considerable amount of fried breading (And yes, I’m awfully tempted to stop talking about this because it’s really creeping me out. However, there isn’t a path I won’t brave in the name of reverse fantasy football).

The real kicker to this story is there was a McDonalds right across the street. Now I’m not a fast food eater except on rare occasions, but clearly McDonalds’ food has to be cheaper than 7-11 food, I assume tastier, and certainly just as bad for you, right? So let’s enjoy some of the prepared food items that 7-11 offers, and see if I’m missing something here.

Here’s something called a Buffalo Chicken Roller: Buffalo Chicken Roller
This is the kind of post that writes itself. Real quote from the site, “actually made of chicken”. I don’t, can’t believe you.

This is what those “wings” looked like: Spicy Wing Zings
Alleged bonus, “now they’re 50% bigger”. Olympic athletes would love to know the secret to that. Was the chicken simply allowed to live longer before you lopped off its wings? My prowess for observation is both a gift and a curse; you don’t have to tell me that.

And lastishly, dare we omit the Taquito: The Taquito
Ok, I can’t, don’t keep doing this.

On to my week 9 Chicken Roller / Taquito combo, with endless breadsticks and sadness. I’m going to keep driving the John Skelton bus one more week. It’s misfiring something fierce and I’m betting on Green Bay’s defense to cause it to throw a rod. Defensively, Buffalo is heading to Houston so Buffalo is headed to Research in Motion. As to the adversary’s lineup, he’s been building his team at the last moment for the past few weeks, and I’ll not be attempting any ESPCA tonight.

I’ll freely admit I’m glad this post is over. It was surprisingly challenging to get through and I apologize if I disturbed anyone with images of convenience store food. I know my mommy always said there were no monsters – no real ones – but there are.

– J

Newt taquito


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