An Apology

Written by SLAdmin on November 14th, 2012

I have no desire to reveal my true identity. Why? I could NOT deal with the Suckleague paparazzi camping out on my driveway every morning. However, I will say I work in information technology. I do a fair amount of database and software engineering and, wait… Dammit, I may have said too much already.

WHOSE GODDAMN HUMMER KEEPS TURNING AROUND IN THE CUL DE SAC?

Anyway, as such I’m active on many geek newsgroups and blogs, and at any given time have several online pet projects going to assist my techno brethren.

OH SO WAIT, before I go anywhere with this, I have to apologize for the Adversary and really Suckleague as a whole. I found his last series of posts disturbing and frankly disgusting. All the talk of bathrooms, gravy laden “French fries”, and Mexican food stuffed in condoms, this has no place at Suckleague. This is a family friendly site, and if you and your children gathered around the monitor during the last few days, I wholeheartedly apologize for his lewd conduct.

I’ll now quote from the Suckleague by-laws which, of course, once the adversary signed on as the adversary, he was required to memorize:

Section 5.2: Content Guidelines

Suckleague.com, as a family friendly reverse fantasy football website, strictly prohibits excessive vulgarity. Examples of this include, but are not limited to:

- Bathrooms and leaders of men mentioned in the same sentence
- Combining any reference to a “quagmire” with the future release of a Blackberry operating system (?)
- Any commentary on pirating an internet connection for the sole purpose of viewing explicit images of cheese, bathrooms, Tom Brady, or foods rich in carbohydrates used to fill prophylactics.

I’ll admit, I don’t recall writing any of that, but the by-laws don’t lie. SO CLEAN IT UP.

So back to what I was talking about before all the filth. Recently I put a quick utility online that automates some specialized code generation and today (I swear I’m not making this up: http://www.buildmystring.com), one of our friends from India left the following comment:

“I find very kind your tool. Thank you. With best regard”

See? WHOLESOME! Not that difficult, is it?

As foul mouth indicated, he won week 10. I’m still in shock. Buffalo’s defense was flawless for me, scoring a -13.00. Negative fucking 13. (It’s ok, it’s after 10pm and most kids are asleep, so I can use the F word.) I could have started just about any other quarterback and won. Naturally, I chose Sam Bradford and his stupid 21.70 performance leaping me ahead of team profanity by 3 points.

Looking ahead, make no mistake. RIM’S JOB is clear (RIM was possessive in that case, get your mind out of the gutter):

1) Reestablish the integrity of Suckleague.com. Your family deserves the trust, credibility, and values it’s come to expect here, and I WILL strive to bring them back.

2) Tear the adversary a second asshole next week.

- J

Chimichanga

 

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