For dinner this evening I had the following items: 6 frozen PF Changs chicken and vegetable dumplings, and a bowl of Peanut Butter Crunch. Suffice to say I didn’t feel like cooking, or thinking about, or spending any time whatsoever on dinner. However, each of these items delivered about at the level I expected. Nothing gourmet, but dinner was achieved and I’m reasonable satisfied. If I had to pick, the Peanut Butter Crunch clearly outperformed the dumplings.
Which brings me to Byron Leftwich. Byron Leftwich played like crap last night. He threw for 201 yards, was sacked 3 times, fumbled, threw an interception, and completed 46% of his passes.
That’s terrible by any measure.
However, Byron Leftwich also did this bizarre, hard to intentionally forget impression of some sort of middle aged bumble bee, lumbering past several clueless Raven defenders, “scrambling” to the most pointless touchdown I’ve ever seen, with all the grace of Frankenstein’s monster, provided Frankenstein’s monster had a 2×4 stuck up his ass.
It was dreadful. It resulted in both a tweet and an email to the adversary with the same single word title – “Seriously?”. (He did promptly reply to both with absolutely nothing that made me feel better.) It was tragic. Like tragic in a really Greek way. Tragic like in a your grandson gets decapitated then your family gets exiled kind of way. (I said really Greek, that’s a valid comparison)
It was the only bright spot in a performance that would have had the whole of Athens circa 2500 years ago making up new awards:
- Matt Cassel: 1.46. Throw for 93 yards, get sacked, fumble, then get benched.
- Oakland Defense: -7.00. Surrender 32 points. Do not record even one sack or fumble.
- Indianapolis Defense: -14.00. Give up forty seven points.
In the end the adversary pasted me, -12.54 to 2.72. But I’ll defend my choice of Leftwich all day long. Why? Well I was present for, and had to endure, the greatest offense to human competition ever. In late 2008, Jon Gruden was fired as the head coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. His replacement, Raheem Morris, having served as DC at Kansas State University, wisely had some input in drafting Josh Freeman. However, in his first decision as head coach, he chose to sit Freeman for a bit and allow him to, uh, “learn” (I assume learning by observing what not to do) by having a highly publicized, and frankly a blatantly horrifying competition of who would be the starting quarterback, between Luke McCown and Byron Leftwich. (I’ll save you the time, no typos on this page, Luke McCown and Byron Leftwich).
It was a painful preseason to say the least. I’ll spare you the gory details, but suffice to say, one would be awful, the next would be awful, on and on, ad nauseam. By mid-season, both had been taken out behind the barn and shot, and Freeman has led the team since. I don’t know who the professional football team is in your city, but that experience left a mark. The competition was an affront to sport. It made my tandem of PF Changs frozen dumplings and Peanut Butter Crunch look like surf and turf at Peter Luger (thought I forgot about the dinner transition, didn’t you?)
OH, and so either I fired the adversary and there’s a new adversary or the adversary changed the name of his team. I’m not going to speculate. I figure he / she / they will let me know. But I’ll close by saying I witnessed Byron Leftwich do things in a Buccaneers uniform that I’ll really never be able to totally erase from my memory. Remember that year the Browns couldn’t figure out if their starter was going to be Derek Anderson or Charlie Frye? I wish I was a Browns fan in 2009.
The only image I can think appropriate for this post is
a 1986 Ford Escort EXP John Kerry. He competed for starting president once. Perhaps you will know even a small part of my pain: