The Fat Lady Swallows Her Tongue

Written by SLAdmin on December 31st, 2012

The 2012 season of Suckleague is in the books. The adversary has thankfully returned from exile abroad (Dubai? Moscow? Langfang? Passaic?) and it’s time to try to make some sense of this nonsense.

As the adversary pointed out, quite poignantly while on the can, week 16 had myself and the adversary and the adversary’s adversary (wait I’m in there twice) deadlocked at 8-8. The victor would be determined in week 17, and needless to say, in the battle of the late 70s / early 80s GM hood decals, there can be only one:

Ok, that was nothing at all like how week 17 went on any level whatsoever at all. But speaking of poignant moments on the toilet, why does Michael Knight look like he’s battling major constipation anytime Kitt goes into “turbo” mode?

Hasslehoff Dump

How did I get from reverse fantasy football to David Hasselhoff taking a dump again? Anyway, it doesn’t matter. What does matter? I WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s right, so called comfort jets / anonymous chicken wipes, WELCOME TO THE FRESHMAN 20. *

* I’m really quite horrible at trash talk, more evidence to follow

Hey adversary, here’s some words for you to consider regarding your defeat: Disgrace, humiliation, compunction, loss of face, pudency, shamefacedness.

OH FINE. I typed “embarrassment” into You think I know what any of those words mean? Some of them have, like, 7 LETTERS OR MORE.

In all seriousness, this was without question the most competitive year of Suckleague ever. How competitive? After 17 games, less than 3 points separate our totals for the season:

Me: 101.94
Him: 104.44

That’s completely absurd. If you average that out over 17 weeks, each of our games was determined by 0.1764701 points. You can trust me, that’s less than 1.

So on to the post-season festivities. I plan to post my favorite moments from the season and I invite the adversary to do so as well. There will, of course, be another annual Suckies awards, highlighting the worst (so utterly worst) performances of the year. Also, and I say this every damn year, I will try to post with some degree of regularity in the off season, and invite adversary 2.0 to join me. If not football, Ikea isn’t going anywhere, and there’s a blog career in relating Ikea experiences.

So me up, the adversary down, 2012 deemed successful, cheers to a 2013 with no superstorms.

Oh hell, fire off “Anthem” again:

– J


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