Everyone is Mr. Irrelevant

Written by TheAdversary on September 13th, 2013

So the Suckleague draft took place online last week via email. Riveting. The only thing we have going for us is that the players we want will be available when we’re ready to draft. Also we had available to us a fine selection of fonts–but not too much choice as to be overwhelming. Though I would have appreciated a little Garamond Bold.

May I say that an email draft is something special to take part in sometime in your life–put it on your 100,000,000 things to do before you die list, somewhere around 99,999,998. Just before the “watch Mark Sanchez butt fumble 2 video” and “clean Andy Reid’s navel.”

Round 1. Geno Smith. There’s no way that the guy that probably could not beat out the Sanchize for a starting NFL job (see several previous posts; see also any google result set for “butt fumble”) would have a good week against the supposedly stout Tampa Bay Buccaneers defense. However, no one told me that the Bucs would bring back their defense from the 1980s that lost 5,409 games in a row–leading Geno to post a decent week, which anyone could have done by going out there and breathing.

Round 2. Buffalo Bills defense: some injuries and a matchup against the supposedly high-powered New England offense spells trouble (mondo points). But NE looks anemic and they’ve got all these 3-year-old receivers more concerned with their toy trucks and diaper changes than actually CATCHING the ball. So Buffalo did ok too. We’re going to have to make some changes around here–these performances are just too good. Our fan demands more (futility).

The Adversary’s Adversary’s draft: Terrelle Pryor and the Oakland Raiders. I have to admit I’m fearful of the disaster potential residing in my opponent’s roster–going all-in with the Oakland Raiders is a bold, albeit completely logical, move because they are so amazing(ly terrible). Plus, owning an Oakland Raiders tie is on my bucket list, although I think if I actually wore it to work I’d be fired before I reached my desk.

On to Week 2, where I inexplicably dropped Geno in favor of Christian Ponder. I felt OK about it until the 4th quarter of Thursday night’s game when Geno threw 3 interceptions. Poppycock.

One thing left to do is come up with a name. I’m still thinking.

Best regards,
The Adversary

 

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