Week 3: the 2014 NFL Draft

Written by TheAdversary on September 22nd, 2013

Well, looks like the Cleaveland Brownze have already thrown in the towel on this season so we may as well talk about who they’ll be drafting in the draft. I know I used the same word twice in the space of 4 words, it’s ok–no one’s going to notice because no one will actually read this.

In any case, Adam Schefter is reporting that the CLeaveland Broese (I’m not even going to bother correcting my poor typing when I write the name of the CLeve;ane Broewns) will likely select the relatively unknown quarterback out of Ikea University, Turd Bjorkland. If the Browsn can exceed all expectations and land the first pick of the 2014 draft, Turd would be quite a coup. He’s been dominating the bookcase and endtable field like no other quarterback in history, and as you can see by this IU file photo he undoubtedly he has the physique of a champion (architect). Black is very slimming.

Perhaps the BRewns are planning a redesign of their locker rooms, or they need some more sensible storage for their administrative offices. The possibilities are endless, and maybe they can write a discount on meatball platters with lingonberry jam into Turd’s contract.

So much to look forward to (shield our eyes from).

But back in this 2013 Suckleague season, we still have something to live for…but just barely. ┬áLast week (week 2, for those of you that have trouble counting to 2), Andy Reid’s Navel (the team, not the actual navel) had a decent (horrid) week based mainly on the misfortune (fortune) of ARN’s adversary, the Adversary’s Adversary’s team 50 Shades of Flaccid. Initially ARN was disappointed to have missed the opportunity to select the Tampa Bay defense, but Christian Ponder and the Jacksonville Jaguars defense (“defense”) really came through (pooped the bed) for ARN.

So for week 3 (for those of you that have trouble remembering what comes after 2), even though the Jags somehow recorded 3 sacks and a fumble recovery–ARN is sticking with them. And we’ve also drafted with confidence (confidence) the current Clevensland BRowns quarterback, Brain Hoyer, who has ascended the throne (toilet) after the questionable (totally deserved) benching of Braylon Weenen. Should be a great (awful) performance against the stout Vikings defense.

Wait, HOLD ON A SECOND…Hoser has thrown two touchdowns through the mid-2nd quarter? My internet must be sending me junk data–I’m going to have to call Time Warner. I’m sure everything will straighten itself out and get better (descend the wheelchair ramp to futility) in the second half.

The Adversary (Bjorn Borg)


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2 Comments so far ↓

  1. SLAdmin says:

    And if that’s a legal cable hookup, I’m Carl XVI.

  2. TheAdversary says:

    Chudzinski hooked it up for me, Carl.

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