Greg Schiano reaffirmed his commitment to righting the ship in Tampa earlier today. Responding to mounting fan sentiment that he should be fired, he had this to say via the Tampa Bay Times: “I have some say in how to fix it. The players have some say. The fans don’t. I understand their frustration totally. We’ve just got to give them a better product. That’s what it’s all about.”
He was subsequently asked for comment regarding the fact that he has recently landed the leading role as Christian Grey in the upcoming film “Fifty Shades of Grey”, and how that can possibly do anything but detract from his ability to function as an effective NFL coach. Schiano responded: “At the end of the day, these guys are busting their guts to do it. Why are we making a mistake? I always look first at myself.”
Meanwhile, E.L. James, author of the best-selling book “Fifty Shades of Grey,” is now not only confirming, but positively beaming over Greg Schiano’s casting as the new Christian Grey in the upcoming film adaptation:
“Stow your twitchy palms ladies… our man is here. Welcome to #TeamFifty @GregSchiano x,” she tweeted.
Schiano scored the role after Charlie Hunnam left the project earlier this month. Dakota Johnson, still signed on to play Anastasia Steele opposite Schiano, 23 years her senior, added “When you don’t win, there are consequences. He needs to get wins. I said it the other day. He’ll get his share of wins. I believe he will.”
Dakota Johnson seems to be in a growing minority of people who think that Greg Schiano hasn’t completely lost the locker room in southwest Florida.
Demonstrating what Schiano almost clinically referred to as his signature “boob tickling motion” served only to empty the room of reporters.