Buccaneers now offering MRSA to any player that requests it

Written by SLAdmin on October 31st, 2013

Three Buccaneers have “officially” been stricken with MRSA this year – kicker Lawrence Tynes, guard Carl Nicks, and cornerback Johnthan Banks. Adding to the fire, it was reported this week that Davin Joseph is the fourth Buccaneers player to contract MRSA. Team officials were quick to deny it.

However, later in the day, general manager Mark Dominick came clean. “Of course, when the first cases of MRSA started to develop, we were trying our best to contain the outbreak and find the source of the infections. However, as the season wore on, I had more than one player ask if they could be infected as well.”

Treatment for MRSA typically involves hospitalization, with plenty of IV fluids and medications, and many Bucs players are starting to see the appeal of this. Faced with another 8 weeks of regular season games as a Buccaneer, rookie quarterback Mike Glennon commented, “Shit, most Sundays I wish I had MRSA. If the team is ready to offer it, I’ll be the first in line”.

Veteran receiver Vincent Jackson was quick to chime in, “Look, we’re 0-8. I’m a competitor, so as to 0-9, I love me some MRSA.”

Buccaneers Head trainer Todd Toriscelli expressed a real concern that the team would experience a shortage of MRSA in the following days. “We’ll try to keep up, but this is a bunch that wants MRSA more than anything.”

– J

 

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