The Cleveland Browns are literally running out of quarterbacks. After Jason Campbell suffered head trauma in Sunday’s game against Pittsburgh, Cleveland is down to a single healthy quarterback left on its roster, Brandon Weeden. With no one available to promote from the practice squad, the team is reportedly bringing in Stephen Hawking for a look.
“Look, Brian Hoyer is out for the season and Campbell is likely headed in that direction. And honestly, with our offensive line, this isn’t going to get any better.”, explained head coach Rob Chudzinski. The problem appears real, with even the most desperate out of work quarterbacks hesitant to join the club.
“Guys are starting to figure out that playing quarterback in Cleveland involves the genuine possibility of dying on the field, or at the very least ending up in a wheelchair. We think it’s time to just get the first part out of the way, so Dr. Hawking could be a great fit.”
When asked about Hawking’s obvious lack of football or frankly any athletic experience, Chudzinski retorted, “He may not be able to talk without the help of a computer, but come on. The man has radiation named after him. I think he can figure out the Steelers defensive scheme.”
“I’m not sure I could sack Stephen Hawking, I’d feel bad.” remarked Ravens linebacker Elvis Dumervil, whose squad would have to face Hawking twice a year.
“That’s what we’re counting on.”, continued Chudzinski, “There’s a sympathy factor as well. Would you want to be known as the guy that knocked over Steven Hawking’s wheelchair? I don’t think so.”