Following his decision to sit Robert Griffin III for the remainder of the season to allow his knee to get fully healthy for 2014, Mike Shanahan earlier this afternoon announced he will be shutting down the rest of the Washington Redskins so they can heal up and get ready for next year.
“Look, these guys are really banged up. Frankly I should have pulled the plug sooner. This is the right call.”
When queried further as to why no one has heard any of this before, and nothing at all has shown up on the team injury report, Shanahan, now coming off a bit defensive, responded “Look, I’m the head coach. Trust me, these guys are all horribly injured, every one of them. So I’m trying to do what’s best for this organization. You don’t have to like it, the players certainly don’t like it, but these guys are just very, very, very, very, highly hurt. And really, if we don’t win anymore games, it’s cause everybody’s just very ill, so you know, don’t look at me. ”
Pressed for any reasonable explanation for his decision, Shanahan continued, “Everyone is completely hurt. These guys are simply not well, non-healthy and un-normal. This is just the right thing to do. There’s no point in even trying to win. Any coach, certainly not just me, but any coach whatsoever, from any league, really any sport would simply be unable to get players this utterly and blatantly wounded, ill, afflicted, and diseased to win, let alone even finish an NFL game. So certainly no one in their right mind could blame any coach of this team, really anyone, say me for example, for not winning anymore games. This is a debilitated bunch of human beings and they need rest, like a year of it.”