T.J. Ward admitted to local area hospital

Written by SLAdmin on December 25th, 2013

The Browns will conclude their season this Sunday against the Pittsburgh Steelers and they’ll do so without the services of soon to be free agent safety T.J. Ward. Ward has had an outstanding season, leading the team in tackles. He’s also reached the end zone twice and is clearly a bright spot on an otherwise unremarkable Cleveland Browns team.

However, he is spending his holiday in a local area hospital. NFL officials first became concerned upon reading Ward’s recent comments in the Cleveland Plain Dealer: “I definitely want to be back. I like my team. I love my teammates. I love being in this city. I love the organization. We haven’t had many wins, but I think we’re building something here, and I think it’s being built the right way.”

The NFL contracts with countless independent medical doctors and many were quick to raise a red flag upon being made aware of Ward’s comments: “I’ve seen this too many times to ignore it”, remarked Dr. Steven Weeks, a concussion specialist, “Mr. Ward has lost the ability to separate fantasy from reality.”

Several other doctors responded to our request for comment: “It’s beyond any doubt, the man is clearly bat shit insane at this point “, added psychologist Emery Stevens. “Expressing a desire to remain in Cleveland is damming enough, but couple that with the delusion that the Browns are ‘building for the future’ and, well, Mr. Ward has lost all grip on reality. There was a time when we’d lobotomize people like this.”

Behavioral specialist and professor of Clinical Psychiatry at the University of Manchester, Dr. Niles Graham tried to put the situation into perspective. “Look, I’ve cured drug addicts. I’ve rescued patients from the depths of religious cults. But expressing a desire to remain in Cleveland, Ohio? If a human being has hit that point, I’m not sure treatment is possible.”

–J

 

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