Roger Goodell bans the N-Word, unless you’re referring to Knowshon Moreno

Written by SLAdmin on March 25th, 2014

As expected, Roger Goodell has announced that the NFL will be prohibiting the use of the N-Word and has given officials the authority to call penalties if they encounter it’s usage during games. “The time has come for this hateful word to be banished once and for all from the National Football League.” said Goodell in a midday press conference on Monday. “That word is an offensive term and has no place in our lives in 2014. I’ve given officials the ability to call a 15 yard penalty if they encounter a player or coach using it during game time. This is a good day for the NFL and an especially good day for the youth of America who look up to and emulate these players. No longer will the N-Word be permitted in the NFL. Unless of course you’re directing it at Knowshon Moreno, then it’s fine.”

When asked to expound upon this most unusual exception Goodell continued, “Knowshon Moreno is the worst kind of human being. If there were justice in this universe, he’d get hit by a car today. Now, look, I’m committed to my job and I want every man in this league to be a strong role model for the youth of America. Except Knowshon Moreno, he needs to die. Every fan of this game, no matter how old, deserves to watch an NFL where that word simply does not exist. The N-Word is nothing but an expression of hate and there is no place for that word in the 2014 NFL. Again, unless you’re directing it at Knowshon Moreno.”

This bizarre situation has many people scratching their heads, not the least of which is Knowshon Moreno himself. “Roger Goodell is insane. I met the man once, years ago, in a public urinal at a hall of fame game. I have never said more than 3 words to Roger Goodell. We peed next to each other, I commented on the weather. That’s it. I have no idea what this hatred is. But let me say this – he had better hope we never meet again.”

Pressed further, Goodell ultimately added “I’m just saying. Sometimes certain stereotypes develop regarding, you know, certain people with certain skin color and the size of certain appendages relative to people with other skin colors and, you know, I’m just saying, don’t believe everything you hear, that’s all. This rule is a good NFL rule. And my wife said it’s plenty big, so shut up already.”

Roger Goodell Insane

– J

 

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