The Jets are getting woefully thin at cornerback. Since cutting Dimitri Patterson and losing rookie Dexter McDougle to a torn ACL, the Jets now face their latest setback as Dee Milner will be out with a high ankle sprain. Darrin Walls and converted safety Antonio Allen are now their starting cornerbacks for Sunday’s matchup.
When asked how he’s going to handle the lack of corner talent and depth, head coach Rex Ryan was candid, “We’re asking any teams we play to just run the ball. I mean come on, passing is for pussies anyway. Just run on every play, you bunch of queens.”
Also, the team has announced valuable incentives for not throwing. Ryan continued, “If your run to pass play ratio exceeds 4/1, the opposing coach will get a coupon that’s good for a free entree at Delmonico’s. Now that’s provided you buy one of equal or lesser value, but that’s a really good deal still. If your run to pass ratio exceeds 5/1, we’re going to give you a 10 pack of free car wash coupons at any participating Eager Beaver car wash. And if you don’t pass at all during the whole game, you’ll get cold hard cash. A $75 Visa gift card will be issued within 90 days of the game. Now you can use that anywhere they take Visa and it even works for gas. So we’re pretty confident they’ll be lots of takers for these promotions. Go Jets.”