Suckleague 2014 – It’s five against one

Written by SLAdmin on September 9th, 2014

As sure as a Mayan deity will allow the sun to rise another day provided he is satiated with the sacrifice of a still beating human heart ripped from an unwilling victim, another wholesome season of Suckleague reverse fantasy football is upon us! Sorry, that was disgusting. But so is this.

For the first year ever, I am without adversary. That’s right, this season I’m going adversaryless(?). Sans adversary. No hablo Adversariarino. 2014 Suckleague shall be the purest, most self-gratifying season of reverse fantasy football ever.

Masturbation Face

Yes, for duration of the 2014 Suckleague reverse fantasy football season – I’m playing with myself.

So how did my first solo draft turn out? Horribly (wonderfully). My week 1 starting quarterback – Brain Hoyer. My week 1 starting defense – Indianapolis trying to stop Denver. I give you team myself 2014…. The Skin Flute Players.

Masturbation Face

My thoughts exactly man just harming himself over and over again in the name of self-love. Now let me say this. I’m expecting HUGE things from myself this year. I mean it’s just me. I’ve got the whole damn league to choose from. If I don’t score abysmally into the negative every week, I’ve failed. So that’s my goal this season. Every week into the negative. No opponent, no excuses. How did my first week go?

Masturbation Face

FAIL. The mighty Indy defense did admirably (woefully), posting -6.00 for their outing against Peyton Manning and the Broncos. However the mighty Brian “the cannonade of potentiality” Hoyer turned out to be somewhat mighty after all, yielding a stupid 12.20. Net result, 6.20 into the black. That is obviously not acceptable and you have my pledge to hit this thing harder and deeper than I’ve ever hit it before until my scores are constantly in the negative.

Masturbation Face

Exactly. Just like that.

– J

Follow along: Suckleague 2014 League

 

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