Vikings head coach Mike Zimmer told reporters on Monday that Teddy Bridgewater’s MRI was negative. Despite suffering a sprained ankle against the Falcons, it appears that Bridgewater will be ready to play in week 5 against the Green Bay Packers. However, while his MRI was negative for a broken ankle, it did come back as positive for flesh eating zombie nano-robot disease.
“Well I’m glad my ankle isn’t broken”, said Bridgewater when reached for comment, “but I can’t say I’m really happy about having flesh eating zombie nano-robots in my system. Guess I’ll just take practice day to day and focus on being ready for Sunday.”
We contacted team physician Dr. Greg Stephens to get some further details on Bridgewater’s condition.
Suckleague: “Dr. Stephens, what’s the treatment for flesh eating zombie nano-robot disease?”
Dr. Stephens: “There is no treatment. They’re zombie robots.”
Suckleague: “So what’s Teddy’s prognosis and expected recovery time?”
Dr. Stephens: “Well Teddy will slowly be devoured by an army of tiny zombie flesh eating nano-robots until such a time as he himself turns into a zombie. At which point we’ll shoot him in the head with a shotgun.”
Coach Zimmer added, “Teddy’s rookie debut was outstanding. We think we have our franchise guy and look forward to him leading us to many wins during his career here. Until of course he turns into a zombie, at which point we’ll shoot him in the head with a shotgun.”