Wideout Harry Douglas returns to Falcons practice, still has whitest name ever

Written by SLAdmin on October 24th, 2014

The Atlanta Falcons may finally be getting some good news regarding an injured player. Wide receiver Harry Douglas, who missed four games due to a foot injury, has made the trip to London with the team and participated in Thursday’s practice.

We asked Douglas how it was going and he explained “I am a proud African American man….. named Harry Douglas. How do think its going?”

The Falcons have been positively decimated by injuries this year. Asked to comment on the fact that he’s finally getting at least one playmaker back from injury, head coach Mike Smith said “Is he the fat white guy that played right tackle? If so, that’s great; our offensive line is in bad shape.”

Harry’s return should take some of the load off of Julio Jones. Jones added, “Harry Douglas? Sounds like a white dude that sells shit. I suppose you think coach’s name is DaQwan Smith. Get out of my face snowflake.”

Turning our attention to reverse fantasy football, it’s been a bit since we’ve had a Suckleague update. I can safely report I’m HALF doing well every week. Cases in points… case in points… cases in point… (here’s what the fuck has been happening)

Week 6 saw Oakland’s defense collapse spectacularly against San Diego, yielding me a stout -6.00 points. However, Derek Carr threw 4 touchdowns. Let me type that again – Derek Carr threw 4 touchdowns netting me 33.44. Obviously we won’t speak of week 6 any longer.

Week 7 witnessed Teddy Bridgewater throw 2 picks and get sacked 5 times. And yes, even though at one point he became disoriented and scored a touchdown, he still posted a very respectable 0.84. All I needed was a decently fetid defensive performance and I’d finally be in the red. As the Bengals have been in free fall for a few weeks now, I thought the Colts would show them a healthy trouncing. And they did, gingerly beating Andy Dalton (SEE WHAT I DID THERE?) and the rest of the Cincinnati Ballerinos 27-0. HOWEVER, they recovered 2 fumbles and registered 2 sacks generating a rather douchey +7.00.

On to week 8 – the quest for horror continues.

Cincinnati Bengals Defense

– J


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